World Poetry Day

In celebration of World Poetry Day, the Malvern Instruments team in the UK & the US were tasked with putting on their creative thinking caps to come up with Malvern-themed poems.

Many were sceptical – could scientists and engineers write poetry? Do art & science mix? Based on the entries we received, I believe they do. We had Haiku, limericks, and even a rap, odes to our instruments and to our staff.

I hope you enjoy reading them – please do let us know which is your favorite on our Facebook page.

Eureka! Eureka! I have here a protein,
Synthesised for a high purpose, medicinal,
But who can help me, its viscosity to glean?
And its size in a manner, analytical?

Stay, my dear sir! Your worries are so, no longer,
For I’m the Viscosizer; made by Malvern’s best,
From your protein’s speed, I will your answers confer,
Leaving you at ease to pursue your noble quest!

by Seyi Latunde-Dada

A perfect large sphere,
Of whom one number describes,
Scatters most brightly.

Malvern Instruments
Commanding a laser’s light
Measures particles.

Quality by Design
I measure early.
Future path now understood.
QbD achieved.

Analytical Imaging?
Visionary one
states ‘Seeing is Believing’;
Invites me to look.

A series of Haiku by Paul Kippax

I was working in the lab late one day

On the Kinexus Pro I had my way
The rheology of acetone was my game
But with evaporation it was always the same
The results were sad to bear
I’d measured the viscosity of air!
Then I remembered the solvent trap
and the answer fell into my lap

by Alan Rawle & Philip Rolfe

To work here was easy you see
I love the nano technology
But now I must shout
And pull my hair out
Alas I am stuck in rheology

The life of the field engineer
At Malvern is really quite dear
All day in the lab
The customers blab
We then hit the pub for a beer

Two limericks by Rick Driscoll

I entered my lab
My heart was a-pattering
The results I anticipated
From dynamic light scattering
I looked at the screen and what did I see?
No, hear it, I did, my Lab Manager’s decree
Her voice strong and solid
Her words were quite terse
“Our protein, my dear, is monodisperse!”
Day after day with the protein I fought
And now, here it was, we’d hit the sweet spot
Weeks and months of struggle and purification
Working and sweating and post-translational modification
We bask in the glow of a glorious molecule
Though making it so was quite diabolical
I don’t work for Lilly, or Genentech or Pfizer
But thank God for Malvern and their Zetasizer!

An ode to the Zetasizer, by Dave Dolak

It’s a common little question when you meet someone new.
But this little question can be like battling the flu.
Some people hear it and start to sigh and shirk.
It’s going to be a long conversation when you ask…
“Where do you work?”
“Malvern Instruments is my place of work.”
“Oh that sounds lovely, do you make Piano’s or Guitars?”
“Actually our instruments are without strings or bars?”
“Ah so you must make trumpets and trombones?”
“No our instruments have nothing to do with musical tones!”
“Eh? So what kind of instruments do you make?”
“We make instruments that measure things like size, weight and charge?”
“Oh, like in supermarkets where it scans and weighs?
Like right before I get charged and pay?”
“Not quite. Oh dear. This might take all day.”
“Why do you say that? I am really quite clever.”
“Don’t trouble yourself. Let’s just chat about the weather…”
“Seriously I’m interested what do you guys sell?”
“We sell instruments that measure things like powders and gel”
“See that was easy for me to understand”
“You’re acting like you’re trying to measure a single piece of sand!”
“Well in actual fact we can measure things smaller than that.”
“Yeh whatever. Now you just sound like a…fool”

Where do you work? by Craig Sagar

Pack it up pack it in, Let me begin,

Malvern’s jumpin’ in and that’s not a sin

We won’t tear the sack up But we’ll be your back up

When you’ve got a problem, the whole team will step up,

Alan Rawle is ready and Josie’s on the phone,

Ulf is helping out and Julie’s not alone.

Then we’ve got the helpdesk, spread across the land,

they are the team that are always right at hand,

So Malvern is the choice par excellance you see

We are guys who’ll be there, this we’ll guarantee

Don’t be afraid to buy from this company

We’ve got Zeta, size and don’t forget rheology

DSV, GPC Morphologi G3,

Nanoparticle tracking will really help you see

The instruments are great and the people neighborly.

So if you’ve got a problem and your samples acting out

Just get on the telephone and give us a shout!

by Philip Rolfe

While thinking of poerty at work brought up visions of a man from Nantucket.
Until my boss brought to my attention my job was to get products QC’d for the transport to truck it.
Unable to find some urgently needed rheology results perplexed us.
Until we found the ultimate intelligent rheometer, Kinexus.
As I scanned the rFinder application,
I quickly found my auto analysis solution without complication.
So, with a click of the mouse the intuitive rSpace operating system saved the day.
The solutions I get from Malvern are the reason for my increase in pay!
While I could have worked the other guys instrument for my grading to pass,
The kinexus smart rheometer’s ease of use and excellent results really did save my skin

An ode to Kinexus from John Casola

ZS90 and TDAmax

Kinexus pro+

Need to get all the facts

Something for detectives- a G3-ID

What in the name of particles do these letters and numbers all mean!?

Phew, I found the resource center has it all

even a webinar by Prof. Carpenter

Grab myself a cold one

I want to know everything

materials characterization = weekend fun

by Kristen Wilkinson